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| Sex is fun, feels good, and is a great way to be physically and emotionally close to your partner. But without an orgasm, it can be a less satisfying experience for both of you. While some women may have difficulty achieving an orgasm and may never have truly experienced one, men can have orgasm difficulties as well, especially if there are physical or emotional issues at play in the relationship. The good news is that the right diagnosis and treatment can teach you how to orgasm and have a satisfying sexual relationship. Read on to learn how. |
| Why You May Not Be Able to Climax Fear can keep both sexes from experiencing orgasm, "Being afraid of letting go, afraid of going crazy — or just fear in general," can all hinder your enjoyment.. Physiologically, there could be other reasons. "It may just be that you're not getting the right stimulation," says Alman. If either a man or a woman is used to achieving an orgasm with his or her own hand, someone else's touch and body part might seem strange, she explains. Some other potential reasons that men and women may not be able to climax include: A problem in the relationship Boredom in the bedroom An emotional or physical trauma, like rape or abuse Health conditions that affect nerves or hormone levels Being shy or embarrassed about sex Lack of education about orgasms, sex, and what stimulation works best for you Side effects of certain medications, including some antidepressants ------------- How to Diagnose the Problem It's crucial to see a healthcare provider who can help you get to the root of the problem. But many doctors, and even certain therapists, don't have training in sexuality and sexual problems. So if you're experiencing difficulty achieving an orgasm, it may be best for you to see a sex therapist. To help identify the problem, a sex therapist will ask about your sexual history. Be prepared for topics to include a frank discussion of your current partners, your masturbation practices, and the nature of your symptoms. A sex therapist will also ask about your expectations of sex and what you want to achieve in the bedroom. If your sex therapist determines that you're having a physical problem, they will recommend that you see a physician. ------------ Solutions That Can Help In addition to seeing a doctor if there is a medical problem to blame, or a sex therapist if the issue is psychological, experts recommend that a woman learn how to orgasm by herself so she can understand exactly what kind of stimulation she needs. "Once she knows physically that she needs X amount of stimulation, she should look at what's going on in her relationship. Is she comfortable asking for what she wants? First it's physiological, and then it's relational. For men, the process is similar. She'll ask about a male patient’s masturbation processes, and what feels different when he's masturbating from when he's having intercourse with a partner. Part of the solution is the same for men and women: When it comes to sex, it's key to communicate with your partner. Whether you want to achieve multiple orgasms or just feel uninhibited in the bedroom, you've got to be open about your wants and needs. "There's just no way to get from here to there without talking about it," explains an expert. Talking about sex and intimacy will only bring you closer and help ignite the fireworks you’re looking for in the bedroom. -------------- Understanding the Male Climax Although it seems easy enough, the male orgasm is actually a complex process. Men achieve orgasm through a series of steps involving a number of organs, hormones, blood vessels, and nerves working together. The end result is ejaculation of sperm through strong muscle contractions. The fuel for the process leading to orgasm is testosterone, a hormone produced in steady supply by the testicles. The testicles also make millions of sperm each day, which mature and then are mixed with whitish, protein-rich fluids. These fluids nourish and support the sperm so they can live after ejaculation for a limited time. This mixture of fluid and sperm, known as semen, is what is moved through the urethra and out the penis during orgasm. The testosterone flowing through a man's body, along with psychological factors, determines the strength of his desire for sex. This sexual desire, or libido, is key in kicking off the process that will lead to orgasm. If a man has no sex drive — for example, if he has low testosterone or is suffering from depression — his body will not respond to sexual stimuli and he will not be able to achieve orgasm. The Male Orgasm: Steps to Ejaculation The steps that lead a man to successful orgasm include: Arousal. The man perceives something or someone that prompts sexual interest. That perception prompts the brain to send a signal down the spinal cord to the sex organs, causing an erection. The penis becomes erect when blood fills spongy tissue inside its shaft, brought by arteries that have expanded to allow blood to race in at up to 50 times its normal speed. The veins in the penis that normally drain blood out squeeze shut so that more blood remains inside, producing a firm erection. The scrotum pulls towards the body, and muscles throughout the body increase in tension. --------- Plateau. The male body prepares for orgasm in this phase, which can last from 30 seconds to 2 minutes. Muscle tension increases even more and involuntary body movements, particularly in the pelvis, begin to take over. The man's heart rate increases to between 150 and 175 beats per minute. A clear fluid may begin to flow from the urethra. This pre-ejaculatory fluid is meant to change the pH balance of the urethra, to improve the chances of sperm survival. Orgasm. The orgasm itself occurs in two phases, emission and ejaculation. In emission, the man reaches ejaculatory inevitability, the "point of no return." Semen is deposited near the top of the urethra, ready for ejaculation. Ejaculation occurs in a series of rapid-fire contractions of the penile muscles and around the base of the anus. Involuntary pelvic thrusting may also occur. The nerves causing the muscle contractions send messages of pleasure to the man's brain. Resolution and refraction. After ejaculation, the penis begins to lose its erection. About half of the erection is lost immediately, and the rest fades soon after. Muscle tension fades, and the man may feel relaxed or drowsy. Men usually must undergo a refractory period, or recovery phase, during which they cannot achieve another erection. This usually lasts for about a half hour. Men differ from women in that men usually are satiated after one orgasm. Women can experience more than one orgasm with no loss of sexual arousal, and do not have to undergo a refractory period. ---------- Male Orgasm: When There's a Problem Some men can have problems achieving orgasm. These most often stem from psychological factors, for example, they are still affected by a traumatic event or a religious upbringing, or they have fallen into masturbation patterns that have conditioned the body to take longer to reach orgasm. However, the problem also can be caused by taking certain medications or by having a neurological disease. A short-term way to address problems with orgasm involves stimulation of the penis with a vibrator or some other type of sex toy. However, to really make meaningful changes, a man often will probably need to go through some sort of sex therapy. Therapy usually involves "homework" in which a couple engages in sexual activities that reduce performance pressure and focus on pleasure. If you are consistently experiencing problems achieving orgasm and ejaculation, contact your doctor. A thorough medical exam and history may reveal the reason why. ------------ |