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| ''Simultaneous orgasm The notion that simultaneous orgasm is the norm is simply a myth. There's a great deal of misunderstanding about the subject of simultaneous orgasm. This is when a couple orgasms at the same time. It's clear that a lot of people, and especially younger women, think that a male and a female are supposed to reach orgasm at the same moment, every single time! In the real world, this just isn't true. How to achieve simultaneous orgasm For many couples simultaneous orgasm is not going to happen, at least on a regular basis. Many of them just accept this, and maybe that's not a bad thing, if they're both happy. But if you really want to 'come' in the same instant as your partner, it can be done. Here' a guide to help you. 1. Learn how to ensure that the female partner can orgasm more or less at will, during sexual intercourse. If you work at it over a period of time and are always in a loving, romantic, unhurried atmosphere – this isn't all that difficult to achieve. The trick is to make sure that you can reach the woman's clitoris, with the fingertips during intercourse. When you're both nearly ready to 'come' then rub it gently but enthusiastically |
| Women's sexual response Do all women have the same sexual feelings? No they don't. In actual fact, women vary enormously in their sexual drive. Some don't feel very interested in sex at all – whereas others are passionate and wild about it. Learning how to reach orgasm We have found that younger females frequently have no real knowledge of the process of sexual arousal. In particular, women often need quite a lot of help to learn how to reach orgasm. Unlike males – most of whom can 'come' easily from the moment they reach puberty – females will often spend a couple of years experimenting with their sexual feelings before they eventually learn how to come regularly and reliably. But once women have learned to cast off their inhibitions and enjoy sex, they tend to respond to sexual stimuli in very much the same way. What happens to her sex organs as she gets aroused? Laboratory studies carried out in Holland in 2004 show that as s soon as a woman starts thinking with interest about sex, her vagina begins to moisten. (This is the female equivalent of erection in men.) The reason for this moistening is to lubricate her vagina, in preparation for possible sexual activity. At the same time, various other things happen: her clitoris – the most erotically sensitive part of her body – swells up. her labia (the lips of the opening of her vagina) also swell up. The effect of this is to open up her vaginal opening slightly, in preparation for intercourse. Inside her her vagina opens up – making room for the possible entry of a penis. What happens next? As she gets more and more aroused, her breasts will swell a little and her nipples will become more prominent. Her breathing gets faster and she starts to gasp. Her eyes tend to become glazed and she is likely to lick her lips - thus making them even more attractive to her partner. - Love and sex Many people get mixed up between the concepts of love and sex. One of the big problems that troubles human relationships is this: many young women – and young men – get very muddled up between love and sex. You can see examples of this confusion all over the place. For example, people use the expression 'making love' as a polite euphemism for 'having sexual intercourse'. Incidentally, half a century ago that expression 'making love' often just meant 'flirting'. Another source of confusion is the fact that there are many books and magazines that use the word 'love', when they really mean 'sex'. What is 'love'? If you check any dictionary, you'll find that of course the word 'love' doesn't mean 'sex' at all. Broadly speaking, the phrase 'to love' means to like someone (or something) intensely. The meaning is similar to that of the expression 'to adore'. Dictionaries and encyclopedias make clear that our present-day notion of love comes from various ancient Greek ideas. These days, we can legitimately use the word 'love' to cover several different things. 1.The powerful emotion of romantic love that so many couples (heterosexual and same-sex) feel for each other. 2.The strong love that members of a family often have for one another, in the case of parents and children. 3.The love that some great friends feel for each other. 4.Perhaps the strong love that many people have for things like music or art. In contrast, it doesn't really seem appropriate use the word 'love' in the casual way that so many people do, in order to indicate mild approval or interest for something – as in 'I'd love a bit more pudding'. How sex tends to accompany love Another thing that 'muddies the waters' between love and sex is this. Most people who fall in love with each other find that they desperately want to have sex together. That's not an invariable rule, but there are few loving couples who don't feel the strong urge to go to bed together and enjoy sexual intercourse. Very often, what happens at the same time is that they start to feel that they no longer wish to have sex with anybody else. So, those who experience the phenomenon of 'true love' are likely to say that they intend to be faithful to their beloved for life. And in many cases, they really do manage to do this. Sex as a 'love-promoting' factor One other phenomenon to watch out for is this. People who have sex with each other a few times, and who find that it's gone really well, often tend to discover that they are starting to fall in love with each other. What's the best way for women to have an orgasm? If you don't know exactly what it is you like or what it takes for you to reach orgasm, it's a good idea to practise on your own. For some people the very idea of stimulating themselves can seem worrying, or unappealing, or something to be ashamed of. It’s a good idea if women can rid themselves of these feelings. Masturbation is a great way to lessen tension in your body. It’s a very safe way to have an orgasm. And it’s probably the best way to learn about how your body likes to be loved. . But masturbation, like most things, takes practice. And the only way to learn about your own sexual response is to try it. If you have never tried masturbation, or you want to do it in such a way that will be more pleasurable and satisfying then it has been in the past, then you might need to plan how and when to do it, rather than leave it to chance. For a start, you need to ensure that you’re going to have adequate time to yourself and that you won't be interrupted Masturbation for women -- Is masturbation a good thing? What's the best way for women to have an orgasm? To masturbate means to stimulate yourself in a sexual way. This can be done by hand, or with sex aids – some highly-sexed women can even do it by rubbing their thighs together. And a tiny minority of women can do it with no genital contact at all, but simply through caressing their breasts. Most men have masturbated, often beginning at a fairly young age. Women tend to start masturbation later however, and it does not tend to be such an automatic activity as it is for most men and boys. Furthermore, even once a woman has learned to masturbate, she will probably do it less than the average man - and it seems that far fewer women than men do it regularly. What's the best way for women to have an orgasm? Begin by taking a shower, or a long, luxurious, scented bath. Soap your body all over and enjoy touching your breasts and your genitals in particular. Dry yourself carefully, then rub your favourite lotion all over your body. Keep touching your body everywhere - it might be a good idea to stand in front of a mirror while you do it. This is your body – a body capable of giving you great pleasure – so enjoy looking at it and getting used to the sight and feel of it. At this point, as long as you know that you're in no danger of being disturbed, move to your bedroom. Make sure that it is warm and comfortable. Put on some relaxing music if you like. And just enjoy yourself. Lie down on your bed and use a mirror to look at your private and intimate places. Gently spread your labia: you may want to use a spot of lubrication There are very nice modern ones that increase the sensuouness of the occasion – such as Wet, Liquid Silk and Pjur. But if you don’t have any lubrication, then use saliva. Try to tighten and relax the muscles at the base of the pelvis. If you find it difficult to know whether you're doing this successfully, try inserting a couple of fingers inside your vagina. That way, you'll be able to feel whether you're tightening and relaxing the muscles or not. Many women much prefer masturbation if they can feel some bulk in the vagina at the same time as they stimulate the clitoris – so touching yourself internally might feel very good indeed. Most men have masturbated, often beginning at a fairly young age. Women tend to start masturbation later however, and it does not tend to be such an automatic activity as it is for most men and boys. Furthermore, even once a woman has learned to masturbate, she will probably do it less than the average man - and it seems that far fewer women than men do it regularly. What's the best way for women to have an orgasm? Begin by taking a shower, or a long, luxurious, scented bath. Soap your body all over and enjoy touching your breasts and your genitals in particular. Dry yourself carefully, then rub your favourite lotion all over your body. Keep touching your body everywhere - it might be a good idea to stand in front of a mirror while you do it. This is your body – a body capable of giving you great pleasure – so enjoy looking at it and getting used to the sight and feel of it. At this point, as long as you know that you're in no danger of being disturbed, move to your bedroom. Make sure that it is warm and comfortable. Put on some relaxing music if you like. And just enjoy yourself. Lie down on your bed and use a mirror to look at your private and intimate places. Gently spread your labia: you may want to use a spot of lubrication There are very nice modern ones that increase the sensuouness of the occasion – such as Wet, Liquid Silk and Pjur. But if you don’t have any lubrication, then use saliva.Try to tighten and relax the muscles at the base of the pelvis. If you find it difficult to know whether you're doing this successfully, try inserting a couple of fingers inside your vagina. That way, you'll be able to feel whether you're tightening and relaxing the muscles or not. Many women much prefer masturbation if they can feel some bulk in the vagina at the same time as they stimulate the clitoris – so touching yourself internally might feel very good indeed. |
| 2. Exploit the advantages of multiple orgasms. If the female partner has learned how to have multiple orgasms, that makes the objective of simultaneous orgasms a lot easier. Why? Because the male now has a number of different 'targets' to aim at. In other words, if he isn't ready to climax by the first time she comes, he can always do it when she orgasms for the second, third or fourth time. But the ability to reach multiple orgasms isn't very common in younger women. Females tend to learn it as they get older. This underlines the fact that simultaneous orgasms are a lot easier for couples who have been together a long time in a loving relationship and who really understand each other's bodies. 3. Make sure that the man learns to control the timing of his orgasms. Frankly, this might take years to do! But there's a strong tendency for men to learn more control as they get older. |
| You might also notice a warm sensation in your abdomen. Try touching yourself all over your body, including the breasts and your genitals where you will quickly find the most sensitive spots. In particular, experiment near the opening of the vagina and clitoris and stimulate yourself in whatever way feels best. So long as you do not rush, and you are keeping relaxed, then your own fingers will automatically do the right thing and will move with the right amount of speed and intensity for you. Try to familiarise yourself with exactly how touching yourself makes you feel. Ignore everything around you. Just think about what is going on inside you, or fantasise about making love with someone you care for, or with a celebrity, or in some gorgeous and romantic place. If, as is likely, your sexual tension rises, keep going. If you have never previously masturbated to orgasm, you might suddenly feel tired and want to stop. Or you may be nervous about the build up of excitement in your body. For some women it is not enough to just use their fingers - they like to use sex aids as well. A vibrator may be useful, or you could try stimulating yourself with the hand spray when you are in the shower. Use your fingers at the same time. This is particularly true for women who are between relationships and for whom masturbation is the sole sexual activity at that period in their lives. Most women find that their fingers do the trick wonderfully – as they instinctively match their speed or weight to our requirements. But a vibrator can help someone who finds it hard to get to orgasm and can also be useful as a change from digital masturbation. |
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